How To Turn “Do You Know” vs. “Do You Hear” Into Success

Posted on July 22, 2020July 22, 2020 by Wendy Warman MS CCC

In a recent discussion with my husband he responded “I know what you said.” And my response was “But did you hear what I said?”

You may be saying; “What’s the difference between those two responses?” I invite you to think again! A listener can think they know what the speaker said but the only way to confirm is through paraphrasing back to the speaker. Paraphrasing or giving feedback is a critical skill in active listening. When paraphrasing is eliminated in a crucial conversation, it may mean the difference between a conversation that ends with conflict or one that ends with connection. It only takes a moment to initiate paraphrasing to ensure you’re making the communication connection and closing the communication loop.

The Rabbit Listened

Posted on January 8, 2020January 8, 2020 by Wendy Warman MS CCC

For those that know me either through friendship, coaching, or training, all will agree that I’m passionate about authentic and connecting communication. Recently a good friend of mine gave me the book The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld. Yes, it’s a children’s book, but as described …with spare and poignant text. The Rabbit Listened is about helping others by giving them the gift of simply listening.

I invite you to pick up a copy and keep it close by to remind you that most of the time when there is conflict, hurt, or despair people just want to be listened to.

My New Year’s wish is that you will take the time to simply listen. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results.

If the skill of active listening is difficult for you, let’s talk. I’d welcome the opportunity to share my individual coaching program or training programs with you.

Public speaking and communication skills are the primary skills SmarTalkers can provide through our coaching and training opportunities. Visit our website www.smartalkers.com or contact Wendy Warman: wendy@smartalkers.com for more information.

Important Listening Skill: Mind Flush

Posted on July 31, 2019July 31, 2019 by Wendy Warman MS CCC

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In a recent training session I conducted for human resource professionals, one of the most important takeaways voiced at the end of the training was to remember to use the mind flush technique.

Have you ever had a disagreement with a colleague or difficult conversation or situation, personal or professional, take place prior to going into an important meeting? A meeting where it will be absolutely necessary for you to be an active listener and participant, however, due to the challenging situation that is foremost in your mind, it will be difficult for you to let go to be present in the meeting? That’s where the mind flush technique comes into play.

Immediately before entering the meeting, go to a quiet place, breathe deeply, and flush away the challenging situation that is monopolizing your mind. As soon as your thoughts go back to it, acknowledge it and let it go, at least until your meeting is over. This way you’ll be present and in an active listening state that will let the speaker know you are present.

Listen to Your Texts and Emails

Posted on July 3, 2019July 31, 2019 by Wendy Warman MS CCC

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Have you ever thought about the value of using good listening skills to decrease the need for do-overs, increase your productivity, or save you and others valuable time while using texts or emails? Have you ever interpreted a text or email one way only to find out that’s not what the writer wanted?

Continue reading “Listen to Your Texts and Emails” →

Can you think and be a good listener at the same time?

Posted on June 5, 2019July 31, 2019 by Wendy Warman MS CCC

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During important conversations, in order to absorb what others are saying, you must be an active listener first.

You need to pay close attention to the speaker’s ideas, concerns, arguments or frustrations before thinking of your response.

Active listening allows you to take the speaker’s perspective, not yours into account. When you hear the other person’s perspective, only then can you take the information, analyze it and respond in a way that lets the speaker know you have a clear understanding of what was said and an effective conversation can continue to take place.

It’s Not What You Say, It’s What People Hear

Posted on May 22, 2019July 31, 2019 by Wendy Warman MS CCC

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You can come into a conversation with a clear message, but the person receiving your message will hear it through their filters, including their emotions, preconceptions, prejudices and pre-existing beliefs.

How your words are understood is strongly influenced by the experiences and biases of the listener.

When a mutual understanding of a conversation is important, the only way you can be sure your message is received the way you intended, is to ask the listener to paraphrase what they heard you say.

Merely asking close-ended questions such as, “Does this make sense?” or “Are you clear with the next steps?” allows the listener to answer “yes” when in reality their response is channeled through their filters or the way they heard it resulting in the strong possibility of a misunderstanding. It only takes a minute for clarification, with costly consequences of time and money if not taken.